Mixed metaphor blues

Good morning

I have just written this song - inspired by my physics teacher's phrase  "Pull your socks together!"  when he thought we were slacking.

I got lots of inspired mixed metaphors from a great blog - Daily mixed metaphor. Look it up for a good laugh and an alternative view of the universe!

The plan is to get it up on youtube at some point  but this is as far as I have got with the technology! 

Mixed Metaphor Blues

I must get up and pull my socks together

Try if I can to fly by the skin of my pants

All I see ahead is stormy weather

‘Cos the man I love, he leads me a belly dance

Does anyone else in the room see a big pink elephant?

Feel like they’re treading on thin water, round a wreck?

I know he’s drop-down gorgeous but that’s not relevant

He’s just a pain in the albatross round my neck

            He’s biting the hand that rocks the cradle

            Still he sleeps like a baby’s bottom

            While I get my nipples in a twist  - unable

            To rest – Huh! Trublems!  I got ‘em!

            He’s hard as hen’s teeth and much colder

            Me? – behind the ears I’m still so green

            He’s a chip off the old block on my shoulder

            Pulling my leg over my eyes – he’s mean!

            He said “You dropped the ball - now it’s in your court”

            So I cut to the wild goose chase.

            “I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it” I thought

            And, grasping at the last straw, I left the place.

            I stirred up my similes, mixed my metaphors

            Hoping that way the world might change

            I tried to concoct an alternative universe

            But it’s more than words I’ll have to re-arrange.

It’s the age-old story told by an anguished lover

And it isn’t over till the fat lady comes home to roost

If only Life were an open book, you could judge by the cover

But Life leaves no stone un-squeezed and we’re all just ‘juice’!

pigeon crapped on my head

A beautiful sunny day -
I went into town on several errands and noticed members of the Lions Club wearing high-visibility tabards with their logo on them, carrying buckets in which to collect money for the suffering people of Japan.
I stopped to talk to one man about giving the proceeds of the show I'm planning to do in June, to the Lions as a contribution to their charitable work. I had scarcely introduced myself  when I felt a sharp blow on top of my head and although the man hadn't noticed anything, I asked him if a bird hadn't crapped on my hair. He was a bit taken aback but took a look and confirmed that it had. We looked up and saw the rear end of the offending bird hanging over the gutter high above us.
Neither of us had a tissue so he used a bit of my freshly purchased newspaper to wipe if off my head.
I said I thought it was a lucky sign and he thought perhaps he had heard something similar.
There's nothing like having such a personal service performed for a firm friendship to be established.
We had a very good chat.

updating my life

Time to update the weary website  www.nicolaclark.co.uk 
A long chat to my kind friend who composed it for me has thrown up good suggestions, all to do with simplicity and restraint. If we manage to adhere to these principles, there'll be a major change.


The other thing I wanted to start is this blog - to keep up a stream of information about what I am doing or planning to do.


The idea was even to add pictures - like from the day i went to the races - That was a wonderful day - I felt the animal fervour of the crowds shouting for the remarkable Ruby to win. I drew some of the most beautiful horses, watching some successful owners lighting cigars and chatted to a variety of racegoers from Scotland, Ireland, Southampton and Liverpool. 
It took three hours to drive home from Cheltenham to Tetbury - a journey that usually takes 45 minutes.

I think this was Ruby Walsh mounting

sunset in the paddock where the losers cool off